Former professional footballer Andy McLaren has spoken candidly about his battles with drink and drugs, and the remarkable comeback that ultimately led to him pulling on a Scotland shirt.
The winger, who began his career with Dundee United and also played for clubs including Reading and Kilmarnock, earned an international cap less than 18 months after failing a drugs test that he believed had ended his career.
At his lowest point, McLaren was on a chaotic path of addiction and contemplated taking his own life after becoming convinced his footballing future was over.
He was speaking on Listen UP, an addiction recovery-themed podcast produced by Abbeycare, which runs a residential drug and alcohol rehabilitation clinic in Erskine.
During the episode, McLaren explained that his relationship with alcohol began at a young age, sometimes stopping at the pub on his way home from school in Castlemilk.
“The magic [was] getting out of your own head, trying to escape. Back then, there were a million things going on in it,” he told podcast host Eddie Clarke.
“I didn’t have any coping mechanisms or anything like that. The only coping mechanism I had was drinking, or taking a line, or an ecstasy or whatever. I was using drink and drugs to self-medicate.”
Despite early success in his football career, including winning the Scottish Cup with Dundee United at the age of 20, McLaren said his addictions worsened as time went on.
The situation reached breaking point following his move to Reading FC, where he failed a random drugs test in January 2000. After a subsequent disciplinary hearing, he found himself standing on a train platform contemplating suicide.
“I thought: I’m going right in front of the train here. That’s the best solution. In my head, I’m a pest to everybody, and they’d all be better off without me,” he said.
McLaren now describes failing the drugs test as “the best thing that ever happened to me”, as it forced him to confront his addiction and seek help.
“I hated what I was doing to people that I said I loved,” he added.
“I’d tell you that I’d kill for my weans and I’d kill for my wife, but I couldn’t put a drink down for them and I couldn’t stop shoving stuff up my nose.”
Following a period in rehabilitation and regular attendance at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, McLaren began rebuilding his life, crediting therapy as a major turning point in his recovery.
He later returned to Scotland and restarted his football career with Kilmarnock, before earning a Scotland cap in April 2001 in a 1–1 draw against Poland.
Eddie Clarke, outreach manager at Abbeycare and host of Listen UP, said: “Andy’s story highlights how even when someone appears to be at the top of their game, they can be in the grip of an unaddressed and unchecked addiction.
“Hearing him speak so openly about his lowest moments, and his incredible resilience in fighting back from the brink of despair to playing on the international stage, is truly inspiring.
“We are grateful to Andy for sharing his journey with such honesty. It serves as a powerful message to anyone struggling that there is always hope, and that recovery is possible.”
Headline photo: Former Scotland international Andy McLaren speaking on Abbeycare’s Listen UP podcast, where he shared his experiences of addiction, recovery and returning to professional football